Facebook, I want to break up.

Facebook, I want to break up.  I just don't think I'm getting much out of this relationship anymore.  In the beginning, it was great! I reconnected with a lot of friends, kept in touch with family, discovered Farmville....  But all of that has changed; I guess the honeymoon is over.  After all these years, you've changed, I've changed.  We're just not the same as we were.  It's over.

It's over, but not for the reasons other people are talking about breaking up with Facebook (namely, privacy issues).  It's not even because of the increasingly intrusive (and laughably mismatched) ads eating up screen space.  It's because of my NewsFeed.  At first, I thought it was just mine, but reading FB critiques, I learn it's happened to many people's news feeds.  I'm not talking about the regular restructuring updates that invariably ignite a FB-hating flame war.  I'm talking about news feed content.  It's almost all junk news now.  It's gotten so bad that I began to whinge when logging on--the same whingeing I have when opening my (real life) mailbox, knowing it'll be crammed with scattered junk mail.  And so, I left Facebook about a month ago.

Warning up front: this blog post consists of an examination of my news feed-dysfunction as a way of engaging in relationship purging (sorry to air our personal issues, FB).  So, what is that junk mail in my NewsFeed?  It's a mish-mash of stuff that, in small enough doses, is fine.  But when it co-ops the entire day's feed, it becomes mind-numbing.  It's mostly comprised of the following:

Political Rants--I have a lot of politically tuned-in friends and I love them, but....  I will allow, however, that this is an election year; therefore, I can let these slide.

Pregnancy Woes/Potty-training Anecdotes--Over the past several years, I've been subjected to more of these than any one human being should be in a lifetime.  Quite frankly, it's like attending a daily baby shower.  *shudder*

[     ]Ville Game Invites--I admit, I played Farmville for a while, until I realized that it was internet-crack: the first little bit is free, until you're hooked, and then it leeches your bank account.  Ditto [___]Wars.  I do believe more people log in to FB to play these scam-games than to engage in actual Facebooking. I'm not sure if that's sad or telling.

Funny/Goofy/Sarcastic Pics/Videos/Charts--I actually don't mind these so much; they're great for procrastinating and most of them are actually entertaining.  Having said that, memes do get old..very old..very fast.

Amateur Cellphone Photography--this is my biggest gripe next to the pregnancy/parenting complaints.  I'm not the only one to develop a distaste for amateur cellphone photography a la FB.  Unless you are a college freshman (who only take pictures of drunk people who will later get fired), these pictures consist of 2 things: children and food.

          Children cellphone pictures--I know parents love their rugrats like they're the greatest rugrat ever to crawl on a floor; but endless, context-free cellphone photos aren't actually necessary to convey your parental pride.  Over the past 365 days, I have had delivered to my news feed 128 amateur cellphone pictures of kids with dogs, 83 pictures of kids in yards, 67 pictures of kids on sofas...no, wait, make that 68.  I understand that there is a natural parental urge to document every minute of your child's existence, but cellphone photography is not the way to go.  Your kid may be mind-bogglingly cute in that instant, but that very rarely translates onto the internet.  You tap your phone and what gets posted is yet another blurry, impromptu picture of child doing something that isn't readily apparent.
But even giddy amateur parent-photography isn't as bad as....

          Food Pictures--People post amateur cellphone photos of what their significant other ordered for dinner last Saturday, what they and their colleagues had at lunch on Monday, and a picture of the appetizers delivered 5 minutes ago.  When did this become a "thing"?  Why would anyone on Earth care?  Seriously, if you didn't shed your own blood, sweat, and tears to make that dish...if you don't own the restaurant...if you aren't dating the chef, put the cellphone down and just eat the thing.  I don't actually know anyone who needs to see a picture of what someone else ordered to eat last Thursday, unless it unexpectedly was shaped like Elvis's head--in which case, they'll probably be selling it on Ebay and I can view it there.  

We all have cameras in our hands now, but that doesn't mean we should be flooding Facebook with photos every second.  Think about it: if we wouldn't hire a professional photographer to record the event, buy 3x5 glossies, and distribute those to in-laws, co-workers, bosses, and school children, then we probably shouldn't bother with it--whether it's the donut you just ordered, or an up-close and personal photo-spread of your bff giving birth (actually happened to my news feed!); don't force your friends' list to sort through all of that to get to the graduation pictures.

Facebook, whatever happened to momentous status updates?  Whatever happened to posts of funny anecdotes?  Why has my news feed begun to read like someone's day planner?  It's like people are emptying their pockets and desk drawers onto my screen and I have to sort through wrinkled receipts, jumbled post-it notes, crumpled newspaper clippings, reject photos from the abandoned scrapbook, garbled phone messages, inflammatory pamphlets, etc.  Interacting with you, Facebook, has become a daily, collective yard sale--I've seen most of it before, I already own some of it myself, and none of it is particularly interesting.

I began to question why I was spending time and energy on that.  Then one day, I just quit.  That was about a month ago and few, if any, have noticed.  Yes, it was weird at first--not hard, just strange.  I'm still dealing with a Pavlovian impulse to want to post things on Facebook, but that's waning.  And I have actually regained at least 2 hours each day.  That's 14 hours a week that I now spend reading real news, reading real literature, or just relaxing.

I realize now, Facebook, that our relationship had just become a habit...and habits can be broken.  Facebook, I want to break up.